Too much time spent here without doing nothing... I don't really want to do anything and time passes so slowly sometimes. At the end of the day I realize another day, another weekend went by, and I did nothing I can remembr about.
This is just so stupid, I sometimes even hate myself for this. I mean, I could have used all this time in a different way, I could have done something else, and then use all the spare time to go out or to do something special.
But I'm here, I still haven't finished anything...

 He loved sunny days, he just stood on the balcony or he went out, he took his dog with him and maybe a book. He loved sitting on a bench and reading, even if it was in winter, so it wasn't really warm, but if it was sunny it didn't really mattered.
Once in a while he took his car and left the town to go at the countryside. He would go for a long ride, sometimes by car, sometimes by scooter. 
Week-ends passed quite quickly this way, and besides that; he always had other things to do, like washing and cleening and all that stuff that people say it never takes that long, but if one could actually see how much time we spend doing this, one would be amazed.
Then, he got back to work again, and when he was working he didn't like sunny days,  because he couldn't go out, and he hated this!

 As he grew older, he started to understand why nobody wanted to listen to him, or to talk to him, not even on gay chat he would find someone available and ready to spend a few hours with him and maybe exchange some opinions or even just listen to what he wanted to say.

So he became more and more isolated, and most of all, he was sure that he was the only person he could ever talk with about this. At the beginning, this sounded just horrible, but after a while, he had gotten so used to it, that nothing ever seemed so clear and normal.

He was used to telling himself that all this had no importance at all, and that all he needed was time, just some time to spend on his own, maybe with some distant friends, if ever such thing existed, and to try to forget everything.

And to do so, he needed nobody to remind him about this, so being alone was just perfect for the moment. He had no idea what would have happened after this, once he has forget this and wanted to share some new experiences with other people. But now this moment seemed so far away that there was no need for him to think about it.